


and now there shall be no separations...

by Missy



Category: Army of Darkness (1992), Evil Dead (Movies), Evil Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Community: schmoop_bingo, Demon slaying, F/M, Humor, Reading Aloud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-15
Updated: 2010-08-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 02:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheila insists on reading to Ash, but his idea of a good story doesn't jibe with hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and now there shall be no separations...

**Author's Note:**

> written for Schmoop_Bingo, prompt: Reading Aloud

_"And so we are borne…"_ she put down the book and glared down into his sleeping face. "Ashley…" She shook his shoulder.

Ash came awake with a shudder and a groan. "Wah?" he mumbled.

"Ye fell asleep again." She closed the book upon her lap and glared. "Twas the conclusion of Gatsby's life."

Ash shuffled his shoulders and grunted. "So what? It's just the same old story. He learned what every guy learns; don't trust a dame." The heavy book smacked against his forehead. "Damn it!"

Sheila glared down at him; he bit back a grin. Damn, she was adorable when she was pissed off. "Do ye not trust me, Ashley?"

"Hmm," Ash said, pretending to think. He scratched his chin and made a moue with his lips. "You did try to kill me a couple of times. But I almost had to kill you, so I guess it evens out."

"Ye deserved it," she said primly. "Ye were a bit of a Jekyll. Or a Heckle."

"Jekyll and Hyde, baby," he said, plucking a piece of sweet grass from the ground and tucking it between his teeth.

"La, what do ye know of literature?" Sheila retorted, closing the book again.

"Four things: the guy always gets the girl, the girl's always build like a brick house, bigger guns make more interesting heroes and if it's gonna have blood, it'd better cover the whole world."

Sheila simply gaped at him. "What of emotion, and feeling?"

"Of course there's feeling. That's what happens when the hero and the heroine get freaky on top of a mountain."

"Ashley…"

He had gone into full-on rant mode. "It's not always a mountain – sometimes it's a bearskin rug, or a cave or the inside of an Astin Martin..."

Sheila's glare could have refrozen Antarctica. Ash continued on as if he couldn't see her eyes trying to pin him down.

"I'm telling you, baby, that was when women were women and men were men," Ash said. "And the men knew how to handle the women because, sister, if you didn't handle your woman she'd be handling another man!"

Sheila said absolutely nothing. In fact, her eyes were fixed at a spot just beyond his shoulder. When Ash's hand reached skyward to make a dramatic gesture, his fingers brushed against something that dripped slime and smelled like a can of steamy-hot garbage.

He didn't have to glance back to feel the steamy heat of foul breath upon his neck. "'Scuse me, darlin'. Duty calls."

He'd gotten good at hiding his fear around her, but she nevertheless knew he was nearly scared out of his wits as he pulled the gun free and blasted the former jogger into teeny bits. In this, he was more obsessed than Ahab had ever been, stronger than the Mohican of Fennimore-Cooper's heart, more chivalrous than the Count of Monte Cristo. He was Galahad and a knight of her time. He gave a good show. And when she' was the one to cut off the ghoul's head, he pretended not to notice. The roar of his chainsaw and the sound of the Earth being split open filled the world. Then there was nothing but birdsong.

They gathered again by the tree, coated in blood and dirt, scuffed and exhausted. He dropped his head in her lap.

She pulled another book out of the messy, scattered pile beside the tree. "Perhaps the letters of the Tsar and Tsarina?"

He nodded his head weakly. Sheila rested her right hand against the top of his head. _"And now,"_ she read, _"there shall be no separations…"_


End file.
